Wed | February 28, 2007
A new face cleanser.
Because the one I've been using is killing my skin. My skin is actually getting to look like a dried out orange. Stupid origins checks and balances. Awful product. I think I might just go to the drug store and get some foaming cleanser. Almost anything would be better than this. I'm also thinking about returning the cleanser I have, even though I bought it like a year ago and don't think I have the receipt, or don't want to bother going through my shoebox of receipts to find it, and have never returned anything after using it due to "dissatisfaction."
I wonder if I would like the smooth, even-toned skin that people seem to get from using Asian cleansers. I am not sure what they are, but the few times I've asked people who have skin like that, they're always using something from Korea or Japan. They'll say it's something my dad got me in Hong Kong.
But, the skin tone that comes from it, tends to be this ethereal look that is inauthentic. I am ethnic and perhaps I should stay true to that, rather than acquire bleached skin.
Posted by Lily at 10:54 AM
Tue | February 20, 2007
a wish granted, sort of
Well, it looks like I will get one of my long-held wishes-- my sister is moving to California. Not that I wanted her to move to California, but I have often said that I would like a friend in California, because then I would have someone to call late at night.
Posted by Lily at 05:09 PM
Sun | February 18, 2007
Xīnnián kuàilè
The good news is that I think I have a free membership to Bally's after all. Maybe I'll go today, or tomorrow- though I know it will be crowded and that makes me less inclined to go. Also it is a holiday and I feel I should be doing something appropriate to Lunar New Year. I suppose exercising is a good way to start the year.
Posted by Lily at 10:20 AM
Tue | February 06, 2007
Writing Workshop
It would be nice if writing class were like art studio. In art class you draw, and the teacher goes around, looks at what you've done, and comments. He could even get in there and show you how the lines could be different. Put a little here. You watch him and you start to see the difference. And then you draw some more. The nude model shifts and you draw again. It's all charcoal on a giant newsprint tablet. You keep the tablet but it's all for practice. You do a bigger project at home for homework. With more detail, more effort on a single subject.
Writing Workshop is like, you are immediately expected to produce a sizeable project, even in a beginner class. You bring it in- if it even exists it's a miracle- and then you get a humongous pile of critique all at once. You don't know what to do next, you feel overwhelmed, there is no sequence, there is just a pile of critique. You never touch it again, or if you do, you try to do too much at once, and everything falls apart. Then in several weeks it's your turn to go through the same thing again. You wonder why you can never finish anything.
Posted by Lily at 03:08 PM
Mon | January 29, 2007
The Stock Market
That guy from writing class, I guess his name is Bill, said something like "it's a cliche but I make money off stocks." Actually he had one of the characters in his story say it. Hearing about that depresses me. It depresses me to hear about people living off the stock market. Because my Dad, who does not appear depressed, must be. You can't lose x large amount of dollars, cashed in from your inheritance of Taiwanese land, and not be a little downtrodden. The whole thing seems like a scam to me, y number of people like my father funding the lives z number of people like Bill. The stock market takes advantage of people who believe in the miracle of free money, this American dream of riches. Millions of Asians immigrated here trusting this promise of wealth and instead there's an incredible lifelong struggle even to subsist at the bottom of an organizational structure. My Dad says he needs something to hope for, and I suppose that's a valid point. But the stock market seems bound to be against him, and therefore not a good thing to store your hope in. Don't store it in me, neither. I don't know where is a safe place to put it.
Posted by Lily at 09:38 PM
Tue | January 16, 2007
a well furnished room
It is kind of an Asian thing, to have crappy decor. Not that the decor in my house is entirely crappy. It's somewhat coordinated. The living room is pink. The dining room is browns. But it's not entirely cohesive. And my room, is periwinkle, with lots and lots of boxes and papers and other stuff. I guess the key is to get rid of all the stuff that doesn't match. But I like to keep things. My clothes, I like to keep until they are worn out, which could be forever. If you wanted to just keep wearing them fashionlessly you could keep your clothes for years. Which is what I do... except I don't wear them, I just keep them in the bottoms of my drawers. And the interior decorating, I've thought about for some time as a concept, as something I'd like to do. For at least one of the rooms in my house. It is difficult because no one else is really interested or wants to help me. I keep telling my friends hoping one of them will want to come shopping with me or something, offer some guidance, because I have no experience at it, and don't know what it's like to live in a well-coordinated place. But in the absence of that I turtle along by myself, and maybe eventually something will come out of this idea. Things move slowly when left to only me. I do have the idea that I like earthy things, instead of like, modern stuff. Though I do like the barcelona chair and chaise lounges, which are kind of modern. Maybe I would have one room with the bold colors and another with the earthy ones.
Posted by Lily at 11:14 AM
Mon | January 08, 2007
Pourquoi je ne souhaite pas m’installer à New York.
Les gens à New York sont trop occupés ; ils vous oublient. Dans les banlieues, c’est l’opposé. Ils se souviennent de tout et de tous. C’est également une mauvaise chose. Je ne sais pas, vraiment, mais je crois que les New Yorkais n’ont pas de considération. Certains de mes amis disent qu'ils seraient de meilleurs amis si j'habitais à New York, mais je pense que c’est des conneries.
Dans les images, New York est brilliant, lumière, grattes-ciel, grandiose. Mais en réalité, c’est sale et pollué. Il y a des sacs de détritus sur le trottoir qui restent là de la nuit au matin ou plus longtemps. La rue sent la pisse et la métro est pire. Si tu habites à New York, tu vis avec les souris dans ton appartment et tu attend le métro avec des rats. L’autre jour, j’étais au resto, et une femme a crié. Il y avait un cafard sur le mur. On dit que si vous voyiez la cuisine d'un restaurant, vous ne voudriez plus manger là. C'est pareil dans d'autres restaurants, mais particulièrement dans cette ville.
Où j’habite, dans la banlieue, je n’ai pas peur que les animaux aient des microbes. Il y a des arbres, et la neige reste sur les arbres et les pelouses. L'air sent fraîs, et les détritus ne restent pas jusqu’au matin dans la rue. Eux les rassemblent à dix heures du matin. C’est calme, et je peux reflechir. Si j’habitais à New York je pourrais avoir plus d’amis, mais je perdrais mon temps, et ils seraient plus ennuyants que jamais.
Le raison principale pour laquelle je ne pourrais pas m’installer à New York est que je n’ai simplement pas l’argent. Le loyer seul serait trop cher, puis les charges, la nourriture, les boissons, le coût de la vie. Et la mode, les New Yorkais sont trop préoccupés par la mode. Ils sont toujours habillés branché et cool, et je ne peux pas, je ne veux pas suivre. J’aime faire des courses, mais c’est un perte d’énergie, et je crois que c’est un gâchi d'acheter tant de vêtements.
Posted by Lily at 09:53 AM
Wed | December 27, 2006
resolution n
Hang out more often in NJ. Find better places, cafes, and such, to hang out, in NJ. Maybe around Hoboken. I dunno. Maybe at diners. The trouble is whereever you go, people are likely to only be hanging out, not doing work or concentrating of any sort. Maybe there just isn't anywhere to go. But besides by myself, I am also going to try to hang out with others in NJ more often. I mean, the path is pretty easy to get to. No more of this going all the way to NYC just to see people nonsense. Or at least, considerably less of it.
Posted by Lily at 09:01 AM
Tue | December 19, 2006
Ce que j'aime au sujet du koreatown
In Koreatown they speak Korean to you. Even if you're obviously not Korean. But maybe I'm not obviously not Korean.
I spend a fair amount of time wondering how Chinatown, NY and Maddox Jolie-Pitt are doing.
Posted by Lily at 07:05 PM
Mon | December 11, 2006
mon régime
For lunch I am eating squash. For breakfast I had a large mug of coffee with ice cream. I have decided to focus on mundane goals and see if I can achieve them. I think I can lose twenty pounds and fit into my pants again. The ones that I never really got to wear. It's a pity. I am now two sizes away.I think I can do it. Except for the fact that I ate a bag of swedish fish yesterday. 3.5 servings. and that I eat microwaved pizza a lot. No more. I think I am going to lose weight by simply not eating crap. And maybe going on a walk a few times a week. Even if it's cold. Today doesn't seem too cold so maybe I should go. No excuses...
Blech. The thing about healthy food is it doesn't taste as good so you eat less. Four pieces of squash and I don't even think I am going to eat this last one. Also, going out on weekends there is the dessert trip after dinner. A blight on the wallet as well as the diet. And the bubble tea I had on Friday. Though I had sushi for dinner so I suppose that's healthy. I am going to weigh myself every Wednesday. I may just make myself more depressed, which doesn't even seem possible. But I think I can achieve this goal, especially since others have done it. And it's a conversation topic, it's something that everyone can relate to. I think others will support me in this one. Most people are annoying though and tell you you don't need to lose weight. I don't like convincing them that I need to by telling them that my pants don't fit.
Posted by Lily at 12:00 PM
Fri | December 01, 2006
sac mignon
Macy*s - tokidoki for LeSportsac "Ciao Ciao"
This is the kind of bag I would like to buy but don't. Because it's not socially acceptable or preferable for someone my age to carry a bag like this. I could, but it would be a bit childish. And I don't think I could singlehandedly make it acceptable. Il faut porter un sac noir. ou plus normal que celui-ci.
Posted by Lily at 10:05 PM
Wed | October 18, 2006
m'envies
A "what the hell am I watching" feature on televisions that tells you what you're watching. Like a button on your remote that you can push and it'll appear on the screen. That channel 15 thing that just scrolls the listings by, doesn't tell me what's on channel 10.
A website that lists how everything ends. especially movies that you're watching on television but know you shouldn't, and are only watching because you're hooked and want to see what happens at the end, and you finally tear yourself away from it, only to find that now you can't sleep and you feel scared, because in your head these people are still in this very precarious, unresolved situation.
Posted by Lily at 03:02 AM
Mon | October 16, 2006
m'envies
someone to tell me which literary magazines are good
and:
more friends, better friends, fewer problems, more successes, daily hugs, better productivity, plans for the weekend, the feeling that I will have a nice weekend, which would get me through the week, instead of the doubt that anything will come through, which is supported by precedent; optimism, a daily routine, to speak french, fewer crappy friends, more AIM buddies, fewer AIM updates, a sense of direction, knowing which end is up, less wasting time, more consistency, a good writers group, or two, or three, stability, a set of friends like in sex and the city- stable, loyal- or a disillusionment of that myth, so that I no longer wish for it; more money, or not feeling that I am going to run out of money, as soon as I spend it; better eating habits; to fit into my pants again; not necessarily fewer problems, but more successes; a better haircut; fewer split ends; less oversleeping, which also probably makes me fat; straighter teeth, reduced overbite; no dark circles under my eyes, symmetrical eyebrows; or maybe not that; a boyfriend, one that I am sincere about, for once, or someone to date; a good day, a good week, better benchmark feedbacks, less competition and insidiousness, or better ability to deal with it, because right now, any amount of it is immediately toxic.
Posted by Lily at 11:54 AM