« nouveau réfrigérateur | Main | des jours fériés que je ne vais pas célébrer »
Wed | October 11, 2006
l'évaluation
Well I had my second post-observation meeting last night, or "meeting," since I wound up just talking to her on the phone for a few minutes, since she couldn't actually make it to meet me. I didn't even bill them for it because I was like, whatever. There was something fishy going on, because Bryan is always hanging about. or maybe that's a coincidence. But at any rate something fishy was going on because Kiley I think initially had a very positive review and then when I talked to her it was just normal, and the weirdest thing she said was that she was pleased with all the teachers at the Maplewood location. I mean how can she say that all four teachers were great, because I know that Pam is perpetually late, and even from the briefiest peek at her classroom it's immediately evident that her kids want to die, and I overheard one of them lamenting that he wasn't learning anything. And the other girl, whatever her name is, is obviously a newbie, I mean how can she be evaluated the same way. They may even have better evaluations than mine. Last night I looked at this random guy Brian's sheet, because he happened to be there, and I happened to be quick enough on my feet (for once) to ask him for it, which he readily gave me, in all good will, and he got better marks than I did, and he's a newbie. I mean it really doesn't matter what he got, it only matters what I got, really, but now I know that they aren't grading everyone that harshly. I never know what's going on, I haven't understood grades since the middle of high school, when I was disabused of the notion that grades were an objective measure of achievement. I never argued about grades in college when I got less than what someone who knew less than me did. I watched people get A's and let it all go until finally I had absolutely no spirit left and took all my classes S/NC. All it taught me is that I can't win, and I don't fight for the top spot, I just try to nurse my wounds and try to get over it.
And I just wonder because she said she was talking to her boss beforehand. About what? I don't even know whom she reports to. Dave, I think. She asked me if I had any questions and I didn't have any. I should have thought of something on the spot, just to keep the conversation going, and maybe she would have revealed something else. But as it were I didn't learn much at all, and let it all go, let them have their way, however they wanted to evaluate me. It's all a vicious cycle because the more I let that happen, and I always have, on previous evaluations also, the more it becomes a habit and policy of theirs. I don't understand it, which is the worst part, is that I don't understand why.
« Previous | Posted by Lily in journal | on October 11, 2006 09:58 AM | Next »