Fri | May 12, 2006
fat
They say that "fat is the new God." Fat-fearing people monitor themselves constantly, trying to be "good." We can bet on this religion because fat is a science. Considering the number of books, articles and daily conversations about fat and weight loss, one would think it must be a complicated science. It is-- or it can be-- but it can also be simple.
Take the inviolable principle that it's impossible to get fat if you don't eat more calories than you burn. "Everyone knows that," the fat person snaps, "but easier said done." Well add the fact that it's nearly impossible to eat more calories than you burn if you don't eat fatty, high calorie foods. That's what does it. If you sat there and ate vegetables all day you wouldn't get fat. Mostly because you'd get bored and then finally do something.
This is where the fat person insists they can't live without the bag of chips. So I am going to leave the fat person here. I come in. This is about me. I am getting a bit fat. I would like to get trim. I am convincing myself that this is doable.
pants
There are fifteen pants in my closet. Five of them fit. Of the pants that fit, two are summer pants. Of the summer pants that fit, one is a pair of newfangled "trouser shorts." The other is a pair of khakis I bought on Monday (even though khakis signify colonialism).
Basically I have one pair of pants and they represent oppression. Of the pants that don't fit, two "almost fit" and five are a full size too small. The rest are winter pants and don't matter at the moment. My goal is to fit into the two that almost fit. Technically I can fit into them now if I don't sit or breathe.
I am going to measure my progress with pants. I am going to stop eating junk food and eat healthy for the next few weeks. I figure it will take a few weeks because I'm not going to add exercise to this plan. I'll go for walks but I will not make a conscientious effort to exercise. Focusing on one thing is better than taking on too much at once. I'm going to eat healthy and in the next few weeks I am going to try on a pair of pants every week. One of these weeks, those pants are going to fit. Then I will keep eating healthy for a few weeks after that point, because as a woman I vary in size over the course of a month and in order to see if I've really lost the weight I have to pass at least one cycle.
sag
I am glad my ass doesn't sag. There are a lot of middle aged people here in Chatham, NJ. In considering their bodies, I used to only pay attention to whether they were fat or thin, so I thought many of these people were ok. (Especially since they act like they're awesome. There is nothing like white people for acting like they're sliced bread even though they don't do anything but run errands.) Anyway I used to think they were in good shape but now I realize that their skins hang on them like tired rags. They've got nothing on me. I'm not really comparable to them but then again I am. For once, I win.
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