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Wed | September 21, 2005
writing
so I think I have finally stopped panicking over the amount of "work" that I feel I have to do, like read every book in the english language, "systematically," and write a million words (because your first million words' worth of stories, is apparently, inescapably, junk). and then "pick up one or two other languages and read the literature in those languages as well." yeah... whatever. as I said before, it all appeals to this work ethic that I just don't have. the idea of having a lifetime of work ahead of me doesn't inspire me. it just, as these past couple of weeks has demonstrated, makes me overwhelmed and ineffective and unproductive. and unhappy. But I have thought about it and there is a way out. That is: it's not "work," because I like it (I must remember that, and be motivated from there) and the only thing I didn't like about it was having it all dumped on me at once. So I will read, but at whatever snail's pace I feel like, and likewise with writing, and if I never get to be [insert name of contemporary author I want to be like, but do not know whom, as I haven't read them all yet] then whatever, I am sure I do not care. I will def go further this way than if I scamper hither and tither in a state of confusion and near-panic for the rest of my life, which is what I will def do if I think in terms of this enormous workload. I get more done when I just focus on the next thing.
and tomorrow I will go to anthropologie, because I want to.
and the "system" I will use to read books will be, "whatever I have on my bookshelf or find in the library or online, or what my friends tell me to read."
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