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Tue | July 19, 2005
about me
I like psychological novels-- Henry James is my favorite.(1) My specialties are psychology and hopefully, one day, writing. I want to write about Asian culture and American culture and what happens when they mix. The equation as it has been sketched so far doesn't quite seem to get at it. The product and the process have been mis-described; the existing literature (or what I have read) misses the point.(2) When I get at it, or when someone gets at it, it will be like E=mc2. Once you see it, it's simple and beautiful and immediately true. And everything in the universe will make sense in a way that it didn't before.
When people say wrong stuff to me it sticks in my mind. I file these things away and sort them out later. I took a writing class in February and I have a list of the lies that were spoken in that class. Mostly by the teacher.(3) The last lie was when he asked me why I described the waiting room at the train station in that way, and I said, "I don't know," because I didn't want to explain it.
"You've got to know, because every word you write has an effect on the reader," he informed me.
"Okay," I said.
This wasn't really a lie, but a misunderstanding, but I remember it.
Enough about writing. Something about me: I yield to cars. In New York the cars are aggressive and unrelenting but in suburban New Jersey it is not too difficult to heel a car. Yet I let them all go before me. I let dogs boss me around too. When I was a kid walking home from school I would run away when dogs barked. Or I would cross the street when I knew a house with a dog was coming up.(4)
I throw a lot of the stuff I write away. I write stuff and then look at it another day and it seems hopeless so I trash it. This is ironic because in everything else, I tend to save it. I have socks from when I was in middle school. I don't throw physical objects away, I save everything. I save pieces of paper and jars and folders.
-----notes------------
this was written, mostly, for a writing class I'm in. the assignment was to do a one-page character profile/ self-portrait/ of yourself. I wouldn't really call this a profile and certainly not a "portrait" but the fact that it exists at all is actually a step up for me.
(1) however, I have only read two of his novels, Washington Square and Portrait of a Lady. Also-- "Henry James is my favorite"--is that metonymy or a grammatical error?
(2) semicolons are kind of pretentious aren't they. and I mean so are footnotes. I don't know why I'm doing this. but what I want to note is that I have not read much Asian literature, especially not anything new. What I have read is the stuff that has reached the mainstream. Perhaps it's already out there and I just don't know it. I kind of hope that someone else will do it, and at the same time I hope they don't, because then what would I write about?
(3) You haven't committed any yet. Though that woman with the ratty hair said something like, "the writer is just supposed to let it flow. And the editor will take care of it," towards the end of class on the first day.
(4) I mean they were not just barking dogs- they were dogs on leashes that would come rushing up to you and their leashes were literally exactly the distance to the sidewalk. I really believe, still believe, that if the stake had come loose the dog would have had my throat, and that I was right to run. They sense your weakness though, and would not be as quick to challenge me today. Nowadays they may bark but they don't run at me. I am not sure what I would do if a dog rushed at me with barking hostility today.
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there is nothing unified or cohesive about this and it degrades noticeably at the end but you know what? it's done. and i'm relieved.
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